Subject: Preparing the Canvas
Date: 9 December, 1997, 15:29


If I take a bottle of White Out, pour its contents over a Post-It Note, and take the time to spread it evenly, neatly and smoothly, it makes a nice primer. My pens then can write smoothly over the surface. Any streaks, however, and the effect is ruined. Contrasted with this, I shall now attempt to use those streaks to create a textured, layered effect to my art. I think the best approach will be to use a generous amount of White Out, leave it in a puddle until it is tacky, and then work within the natural resistance of my medium.I believe this shall be better received by the art community than either “Sunflowers” or “Starry Night” was. Critics are so pedestrian.Those Philistines in Paris refuse my work and I am having trouble making ends meet.

Send money.

Your Brother,


Subject: I’m only human
9 December, 1997, 17:30

Dearest Vincent,

This is the best that I could do on such short notice. If you need more, sell an unnecessary body part. Perhaps an ear?

In Loving Efforts,


[Attached .JPG of a $1,000 bill]

Subject: My Darkest Hour
10 December, 1997, 08:40


I have run out of White Out.

Van Gogh Self Portrait with Straw Hat, 1887
Van Gogh Self Portrait with Straw Hat, 1887 Public Domain

The purity of color of the White Out reminded me of the plaster facades I saw that pleasant summer in Italy’s Tuscany region. Wishing to recapture the innocence of my youth, I attempted to congeal a whole case of White Out with a hair dryer, vainly trying to sculpt the beauty I knew then, but I only succeeded in scaring the dog.Needless to say, I could not sculpt the dried White Out; It just cracked and chipped. After this failure I realized that I had exhausted my entire supply of White Out and could not continue. Then my eyes, though my tears, fell on my clock. I saw that it was only 8:30 PM! If I hurried, I could make it to Office Depot before it closed!Oh, what joy I felt when I saw those neat rows of pencils and reams of paper towering above me! Then, like a daemon from the depths, the manager refused me credit. I argued with him profusely but my arguments fell on deaf ears. Knowing I was defeated, I made an attempt at purchasing the White Out from Staples. It seemed my reputation had preceded me and I was refused service there as well.Then, the ultimate insult. This morning I hear that some upstart Spaniard has stolen my idea of using excess office supplies to create art. He even has the audacity to call himself the Father of this new “movement” and he has named it after his office space. He calls it “Cubism.”I thank you for the funds you sent me the other day, and you will be pleased to know that I have started economizing so that I will not too often have to test the limits of your generosity. For example, I now use an insulated, refillable coffee mug so not only does my coffee stay warm, but each cup now costs me $0.70 instead of the usual $0.95. But I had to spend $2.25 to get this wonderful holiday mug with the picture of Santa Claus on it. So once again I find myself in desperate need.
Send Money.
Your Brother,

Subject: Blood is thicker than White Out
December 10, 1997, 09:58

Chere Vincent,

It is snowing heavily and everything is turning white. Of course, all I can think about is you and your experiments with the medium of White Out. I’m sad to learn of the Spaniard’s success with your original and unique inspiration

However, I feel there is no future in White Out. As an artistic foundation, it has no soul, no sensuous life — as the rest of your work has shown. In short, it is bleak and is unable to live up to your prowess. I sincerely urge you to forget these misguided and useless experiments and return to your vibrant palate of earthen oils. Apply your visions to the canvas and not the Post-It.

Again I am able to scrape together a meager sum to aid you in the acquisition of daily necessities. I warn you that if you continue to perpetuate this White Out phase, I will withdraw my financial support. If this is the case, I would continue to write to you and pray for your salvation and your sanity.

Peace be with you.


PS: My wife, Jo, sends her regards.

[Attached .JPG of a $1,000,000 bill with a picture of Bullwinkle in the middle]

Subject: Food for Thought
10 December, 1997, 13:12


I am beset with doubt and fear. Having failed miserably in my experimentations with White Out, I have decided to abandon it as my mode of expression. But I do not know where to turn. I thought briefly about using highlighters, but they are so transparent.

In order to clear my head I decided to take my lunch at a new restaurant in town, Salvador’s Deli. Although the food is absolutely terrible, everyone in town seems strangely attracted to it. I wished to order a fresh green salad, but the only thing on the menu is a Tuna Melt. While I was there I lost all sense of time and was even unsure where I was. I wish that I had the stomach enough to order a cream cheese sandwich. I have resolved that will be my last supper in that place, though the memory of that lunch is sure to persist.

Attempting to live within my means, I obtained a Sub Club card from the deli so that once in a while I may earn a free sandwich. It shall be some time, however, before I fill it with the required number of stamps.

Send Money.

Ton Frere,


Subject: Are you in need?
11 December, 1997, 13:43


It has been ages since you last wrote. Have you found some new inspiration, or have you fallen into a state of desperation?


Vincent written by Derek Gittler
Theo written by Brian Conner

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