Inspired by recent events in Japan, Libya, and a few too many Paul Krugman articles, Canadian hockey fans took to the streets in Vancouver today, rampaging and destroying everything in their path in the hopes of spurring an economic miracle on the Pacific coast.
William Mackenzie, a local shop owner, could barely contain his joy when he arrived at his store this morning and saw through his now broken windows, a lone Molotov cocktail still aflame in the burned out husk of his family’s business, founded by his father in 1973.
“I’d been planning to open another shop in Victoria, maybe take the family on vacation, but thankfully that’s all been put on hold. What with all I have to spend now to fix the building and replace my inventory, think of all the business I’ll be generating by buying new windows and replacing things I already had!”
Ethan Campbell, prospective manager for the new shop, now unemployed, could not be located by press time. The local tourism board and hotel association for Calgary, AB, rumored vacation destination of the Mackenzies, declined comment.